That time Jesus got emotional: How expressing emotions helps live more peaceful and purposeful lives
Calm in a Chaotic World Series, Part 5
Let’s explore a particularly emotional story in the Bible and how it relates to us achieving a calm and regulated life. And let me say up front - I am writing to all of us (or as I said growing up in Texas “all y’all”). I am speaking to the one whom people have called “emotional”. The one who feels in touch with your emotions or cries easily. I am also speaking to the one people have called “unemotional”. The one who doesn’t feel many emotions and maybe doesn't cry at all. This is for all of us.
And don’t worry, I am not going to ask you to be emotional. You already are.
I don’t like to assume things about people, but I have to tell you up front - every one of us has a lot of emotions. Some of us are outwardly expressive. Some of us are quiet. Some of us are hyper aware of emotions, and some are more suppressed. Nevertheless, the science is clear - you are full of emotions.
Emotions can be an uncomfortable topic, because they can feel uncomfortable or unmanageable or downright mysterious. And yet they were part of your design when God crafted you in the womb and said his creation was “good”. And your emotions are good too. They are messengers that help you live rightly.
For example - loneliness sends the message you should move toward community. Anger sends the message that an injustice has been done. Guilt sends the message that an adjustment needs to be made to behaviors or expectations. Any of these emotions in the right dose can be healthy. Any emotion in the extreme can be detrimental.
Being healthy as a whole person entails being healthy emotionally. Being healthy emotionally means first 1) being aware of all the emotions you experience and 2) being able to express them in healthy ways.
I want to clear up a couple of things for the Christian skeptics.
It’s true that emotional health is not a salvation issue. Yes, you can go your whole life unaware of your emotions and keep them in lock down. I would like to propose that emotional health is closely tied to being the adult, parent, friend, child, worker, friend, minister you have been called to be.
Expressing emotions was intended to be a natural part of healthy human living. It helps regulate our nervous system and hormones. It calms us and enables us to respond to the people and challenges of life in the Godly way we desire. In other words, it’s going to be a lot harder to be Godly and fulfill your purpose without emotional health. And you will probably cause some damage to yourself and others along the way.
That time Jesus got emotional.
Let’s look at John 11, one of the most curious passages of the New Testament, when Jesus (slowly) rushes to Lazarus’ side after he has passed. Multiple times in this passage Jesus firmly says that Lazarus will live. He will be resurrected. He’s sure of it. And yet twice it also says He was “deeply moved”.
Jesus loved Lazarus and traveled four days to resurrect him. But when he saw Mary and her friends weeping, He was emotionally moved by their grief. And then He started openly crying. All the while, He knew without a doubt that Lazarus was going to be resurrected and the pain would be gone. Then why was He crying?
In the simplest terms, He was sad that they were sad.
Did his sadness and weeping mean He had lost faith? No.
He could have walked up and said, “Everybody stop crying! I’m about to do a miracle. Tears no long required.” But He didn’t. He let them have their tears and He joined in the crying. And this kind of messes with the theology I grew up with.
Jesus was not afraid of his humanity. In this moment he embodied the God of the Universe. He had lived in heaven, where there are no tears of sadness. He also embodied humanity, where tears are currency. They express, “I deeply love. I deeply care. I am moved by the hard things of the world.”
I can feel deeply and express openly and still be a person of steadfast faith. That doesn’t just apply to sadness but to anger, guilt, loneliness, and joy.
How my emotions and my calm are connected.
We have talked about regulating your physical body, your nervous system through pausing, slowing down, tuning in, deep breathing. Emotional regulation is the soul part of this work. We can believe all day long that Jesus is our peace, but we need ways for our souls to get the message.
We do this by expressing and releasing our emotions. Crying is one of the healthiest ways we do that, literally getting the emotion out. When you feel like crying, just do it, without any apologies. We also release emotions by acknowledging them to ourselves or to a friend. When we are alone, we can express and release our emotions to God in prayer. The point is - they need an outlet.
Mental shifts to move toward more emotional health.
First, “emotional” is not positive or negative. It’s just human.
Second, becoming more aware of our emotions is not navel gazing or a waste of time. It’s just getting back to our original design, where emotions can flow freely and not get stopped up and make us dysfunctional.
Third, how we express emotions is unique. But there are more and less healthy ways of doing it. We can express emotions in honoring and loving ways that connect us to others and make our relationships stronger, or express emotions in ways that harm and manipulate.
Resources to help you on your journey to healthier emotions:
Connection Codes - tool for processing and expressing emotions, great for individuals and couples
Work with me 1-on-1 virtually to develop your emotional awareness and create healthier life patterns
