Don’t be a dummy: How to renew your mind from the inside out without perfectionism or faking it
Calm in a Chaotic World Series, Part 6
We’ve been talking about how to be calm in a chaotic world (this is part 6), and I’m going to dig into the role that our thoughts play. While I don’t want to complicate the topic - I do want to try to pull apart some popular misconceptions, if you’re open to that.
First, I’m wondering if you’ve had any experience with young children. If so, have you ever tried to get a young child to stop crying or stop leaping around with joy or stop fussing mid-tantrum? That may be one of the hardest tasks on Earth.
It reminds me of a sermon I heard in junior high about Romans 6:11 — the passage on being dead to sin but alive in Christ. This was an impactful sermon, although, I have a bone to pick with it. My pastor, whom I loved, gave an illustration about being a dummy, like a mannequin, not a dumb person. He talked about how you could insult a dummy or ignore a dummy, and it wouldn’t get its feelings hurt. The dummy was an example of being “dead” to things of the world. Likewise, we were supposed to be dead, unaffected by others or by temptation.
”Yes!” my teenage brain said, “Brilliant! I will be dead to all y’all!”
Two problems with the concept of living as a “dummy”...
#1 Becoming dead to our emotions and thoughts means suppressing, shutting down the very messengers God gave us to learn from and to experience life fully. They are still happening, but we aren’t feeling them. We might become dead to the bad but we also become dead to the good. We are a lesser version of ourselves.
#2 I tried this real hard, guys, real hard. Guess how good I was at it? Not so good. I couldn’t flip my behaviors off like a switch. Ironically, the writer of this verse said the exact same thing one chapter later - the things I want to do I just can’t!
Toddlers can’t do it. Paul can’t do it. Where does that leave us? Romans 12:2 says to not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Let’s unpack this popular verse on renewing our minds.
So first it says, Do not be like the world. If we look at the verses above this one we can see that he’s referring to our bodies as a living sacrifice. He’s speaking about behavior.
Next in this verse, the word “renew” in the Greek means to renovate. Any home renovation show enthusiasts in this group? Anyone have shiplap in their house? Probably.
What are we renovating? The mind. In this verse, the word “mind” is referring to the thoughts, feelings, will, and understanding.
And then what’s going to happen to us? We will be transformed. This word means metamorphosis, which makes us all think of butterflies, right?
This verse is saying, “Hey don’t be like the world with how you go about living your life. Instead, be different from them by first renovating what’s going on inside your minds - your thoughts, feelings, will, understanding.”
Your emotions and thoughts are key to your behaviors.
God doesn’t say “Stop feeling that way! Just stop!” like we do to small children. He’s saying - What’s going on inside of you is key to what happens on the outside. This is how you can live an obedient life that honors Him. It isn’t about acting perfect. Isn’t that a relief?
In the last part of this series we talked about that time Jesus got emotional. That really moves me - the picture of a human, crying Jesus. It’s very clear in the Bible that God desires an inside-out approach to our lives and not a performance. He’s not asking for the “dummy” version of us but for our whole imperfect selves, hearts and all.
Obedience is important. But obedience is a lot more likely when you are working through your emotions and thoughts in concert with changing behaviors.
👉 So how do we renew our minds in a Godly way?
Get good at observing your own processes.
First, in our brains we have an emotional experience, then we have thoughts associated with that emotion, and then we choose our behaviors. Sometimes this all happens in a split second. Here is an example - “I FEEL fear, BECAUSE this car is slamming on their brakes in front of me and I might hit them, SO I CHOOSE to swerve hard to get out of the way.” Emotion - thought - behavior. This is healthy. This fear may have saved your life, or at least your car.
Fear also shows up like this - I am thinking about that new job or career or life direction I want to pursue. I FEEL fear, BECAUSE I say to myself, “You’re not going to get that job. You’re probably not as talented as other people. You should stick with what you know. Just forget about it.” SO THEN the behavior is to pull back and live a smaller life because of the fear.
Do you see how the emotion just happens, but there are thoughts attached that may or may not be true? And THEN I get to choose what I do with those thoughts. Our first step is to tune into this process, which is happening many times a day every single day.
Partner with God in the renewal process.
Renewal happens in partnership with God. When we are focused only on our behaviors or controlling our thoughts (which is near impossible), we end up white knuckling through life and not really changing at the heart level. And He is a relational, heart-level kind of God.
When I feel fear to take a next step in my career, for example, that fear is legitimate. There is a reason you or I may feel it. It’s okay to feel it, to process it. But underneath it is a thought process that needs renovating. I need thoughts that align with Father God’s thoughts for me. And He is my biggest cheerleader. I can try to force the behavior but I will be much more successful if I work on processing that fear and renovating those thoughts.
The things in your life that feel out of step with peace and calm are not meant to be suffocated into submission but brought open-handed before the Father so He can show you a better way, renovating your thinking from your mind outward.
So how does our chaos turn into calm when it comes to our thoughts?
It’s like that old children’s chant - you can’t go over it. You can’t go under it. You gotta go through it. Sorry folks. It’s the truth. But I hope I have outlined a hopeful Godly way of doing it well, so there is real change that lasts.
What questions do you have? Hit reply and let me know, even if you totally disagree with me. 🙂
Resources to help you on your journey to healthier emotions and thoughts:
Connection Codes - tool for processing and expressing emotions, great for individuals and couples
Work with me 1-on-1 virtually to develop your emotional awareness and create healthier life patterns
