The Gifts I Never Wanted But Needed

Originally appeared on For the Mama Heart

I was tucking two of my girls in the other night, weighted down by several fuzzy blankets, way too many stuffed animals, and a variety of toys that never got put away. It had been the kind of endless day that readied me for bed at about dinner time.

I felt I had nothing more to offer them.

I had made it through the meal without falling into my plate. What I certainly felt I didn’t have was a patient ear for a long-winded story, or three bedtime books, or anything nurturing really. I was depleted.

I had given more than I ever wanted to give. This is the crux of motherhood.

The gift of being stretched

Moms often like to one-up each other with their unbelievable birth or adoption stories.

“Well, you won’t believe what I went through with the last one,” they usually start.

We are all physically and mentally tough, no doubt. But what sets us apart more than anything are the sacrifices required of us, ones we never imagined. It defines the role of Mother. We give of ourselves way beyond what we ever thought was possible. Most of the time we do it very willingly. Sometimes it’s through clenched teeth. We do it nonetheless because our love and hope for our children compel us.

As the mom of a daughter with special needs, I have been stretched to what I thought was my breaking point more times than I care to remember. I have had to re-learn how to parent her with each developmental phase, to mine the depths of my unconditional love and patience, and to pray through the night when I had no easy answers.

The cost of selflessness, at times, has felt particularly painful. And yet God has come through me in every season of motherhood. He has shown himself strong for me and has developed my trust in Him with each new challenge.

The gift of being humbled

Now that my kids are a little older, and a little less dependent, I realize that these sacrifices, which have often felt like a heavy burden, are where the true treasure of motherhood is found. The need for me to change, when I really wanted everyone around me to change, has humbled me relentlessly.

But what greater gift is there than to find out what I’m capable of? What greater opportunity have I had to find the end of my own strength? What greater door to deep intimacy with God have I been given?

When we reframe motherhood as God’s means for us to become more like Him, it lifts the heaviness and replaces it with gratitude. We can count it all joy if we keep in mind who all the sacrificing is actually for. We are taking care of His kids after all, just for a little while.

The gift of time and uncertainty

Right now the days are particularly long and the walls feel thin, as we are quarantined for an indefinite period of time. It would be easy to allow all of the annoyances to pile up along with the dishes, to be gripped with unhappiness.

In this time our sacrifice looks a little different than usual. It looks like putting aside our own stresses and smiling for our kids to reassure them. It looks like enduring longer days and not giving into frustration. It looks like modeling how to trust God in the midst of uncertainty, when it feels most difficult. Even when we need a little rest ourselves, the sacrifices remain.

But if we stop and look around, we will see that we have been given the gift of time. Even if we are working from home, we can be present for our children in a way we never have before. It’s a limited time offer to dig deep in relationship and make some lifelong memories too.

The gift of all the hard things

When I finally crawled into my own bed the other night, I couldn’t help but thank God for every hard thing. I thought back to the times I didn’t have answers for family problems, and yet, at the right time, they came. I thought of drama-filled days with kids that ended in sweet conversations over dinner. I thought of the changes that have occurred in my own heart, the strengthening and reshaping I never knew I needed.

“You have required more of me than I ever wanted to give,” I told God.

This is the heart of motherhood and it is also our greatest blessing if we allow it to be.