Three Keys to an Intentional, Enjoyable Life as Parent (Without the Stress, Exhaustion and Mom Shame)
I vividly remember the day I dropped my husband off at the San Francisco airport for his deployment to the mountains of Afghanistan. He would spend seven long, cold months serving his country and trying to keep people alive, and I would spend seven long months serving our family and trying to keep them alive. (Apples and oranges, I realize.)
As I drove away, I glanced in the rearview mirror of my minivan and saw the little faces looking back at me, one just two weeks old. My body was still sore and healing. I flipped on a favorite worship son, intended to give me courage for a new day, and sang at the top of my lungs, tears streaming down my face. I had no idea what the next months would hold, just that we had to get through it.
Somewhere along the way, “getting through it” became the ultimate goal.
I stopped weighing whether or not we should do this activity or that. I stopped considering whether mind-numbing fatigue was normal and to be expected. I stopped wondering whether I should actually enjoy my days. All of the other moms seemed to be doing the same thing as me (except maybe better?) and voicing the same complaints.
Life often starts feeling like a blur once we get into a rhythm of parenting, and the glow of the newborn phase wears off (if it ever does occur). When we look back, our thoughts crystallize around this milestone or that. We can see a few things clearly. But today? We keep our heads down, arms pumping, as we blaze a trail through all of the minutes we must endure before our heads hit the pillow in sweet rest again.
Do you ever stop and say to yourself, “What am I doing all of this for?”
What is this long list of to-do’s actually accomplishing for me except keeping me in a near panic all the time? What are all of these activities doing for our family, except keeping me up at night trying to figure out how to manage it all without falling apart. Is the way I spend my days really serving myself and my family or are we just getting by? It’s important to stop and ask ourselves questions like these, especially when we find the answers to be painful.
Our lives are meant to be enjoyed not endured.
And our children are meant to be nurtured by our presence, and not just survive our homes. But doing this well, without a lot of angst and hand-wringing, requires some thought and planning. It requires that we stop and take a hard look at why we do what we do and how to proceed in a way that honors our time and honors God.
There are a few keys to have a peaceful, intentional life as a parent, instead of being perpetually exhausted and stressed out.
Keep your “why” in mind and choose accordingly
Our why’s will all be a little different, but as Christian parents, the themes will likely be similar. We want to love and honor God and treat people well. We want to raise children who love and honor God and treat people well. Does that sum it up? For me it begs the question: Why am I so busy that I’m finding it hard to treat people well? Why am I often feeling too busy to spend time with God? My “why” isn’t always lining up with how I’m living, and I need to adjust that or I will end up in a place I did not intend to go.
Make plans instead of letting life happen
Once we get into the swing of life and parenting, we often start thinking that life is happening to us, instead of the other way around. There are plenty of things out of our control, but our lives are very much guided and cultivated based on the daily choices we make. We can decide our own mindset and how we will face the day. We can decide how we treat people. We can decide how to spend our hours, for the most part. If you don’t like the direction your life is taking, it’s time to make some changes.
Live mindfully
This phrase might be overused but can’t be overstated. Living mindfully means being fully awake to your present. When we get stuck in fear and worry about the future, when we get stuck in shame about the past, we cannot see the people and life happening right in front of us. We miss the beauty. We miss God’s hand in our lives. We can easily become deceived and believe that nothing good is happening to or through us. We can believe that nothing will ever change because we’ve stopped feeling gratitude for the good God has already done. Mindfulness, in line with God’s word, is a choice we make each day when we wake up, that helps us live in accordance with our values. It helps us create days we can feel proud of and moments we will remember and cherish.
If you would like to live with less stress and more mindfulness, you can start making small changes right away. You are not stuck where you are today. You have a beautiful, intentional life just waiting to be embraced. And it doesn’t require adding one more to-do list or more of the dreaded mom shame.
How do I start living with intention, without adding one more thing to my to-do list?
If you need a little guidance, check out my Stress-Free Routines course and workbook that walks you through the steps of creating a routine you love, that serves you every day, even in the middle of your busy, crazy life. Get back to being the person you want to be, making space for your faith, and enjoying your one life.
