Developing Resilient Kids Who Live at Peace
Originally appeared on For the Mama Heart
I can still remember the thick line of ants that marched around the puffy white fabric skirting my bed. There were too many to count. I dreaded going to the bathroom during the night, because I would have to run and leap back into bed to avoid them. This scenario was partly the product of my overactive imagination, and partly the beginnings of a fearfulness that grew unabated into adulthood.
I knew I wasn’t supposed to fear. As a kid growing up in church, I had all of the scriptures and upbeat cliches down pat. I knew how to put on a holy facade, but inside I was a worried mess. Fear and anxiety were building in me, but I had no idea how to cope with them.
Unfortunately, this is a common struggle. A whole spectrum of anxiety-related mental health challenges affecting both children and adults appear to be on the rise. As many as 1 in 3 teens are battling anxiety disorders and that number is expected to double in the next few years.
Yet God knew that we would have these struggles (John 16:33). He didn’t deny them or say they were silly. Instead, he made a way for us to live authentically, acknowledging our weaknesses and stressors, but not being controlled by anxiety.
As a parent, there are a few ways I try to practice this in front of my kids, so they too can overcome fear and learn how to live at peace.
Foster an environment of peace.
We have the authority to choose peace for our household, to set the tone. When my kids are chaotic and the day feels disordered, I often notice that I am feeling anxious as well. I stop in my tracks to ask God to restore the peace and bring unity, and the attitudes (mine included) usually shift. There is something about inviting God into a situation and aligning my heart with his that brings order, even in stressful situations.
Small routines or rituals we create can also help us practice peace. I might start the day with a short devotional, play music, or get up a little earlier so we are not rushed. I observe what helps my kids get off to a good start and make a habit of it.
Say no to things that cause stress.
We know that too much screen time can be detrimental to our kids’ development and also contribute to depression and anxiety. But it’s daunting to keep up with what shows and apps are safe, or how long they have been watching. All of the stimulation of our world can ramp up that sense of overwhelm.
When it feels like too much to manage, sometimes I just say “no.” No to keeping them entertained, to screen time, to exhausting activities, and to poor influences. Setting healthy limits re-establishes peace in my home, fosters independence, and encourages creative play. They may grumble now, but my choices will help them learn to cope and to create without constant entertainment.
And practically speaking, if our household is wrestling with stress regularly, maybe we are just over scheduled and need to slow down, create more margin in our day, and prioritize rest.
Model returning to peace.
The way I respond to stressful situations is my kids’ greatest teacher. Some days are rough, and sometimes I will feel overwhelmed. But that is the best time to model how to get back to peace.
For me that looks like submitting my frustrations to the Lord, managing my own emotions, and choosing a positive response. I might pause and take some deep breaths. I might shrug my shoulders and say, “Oh well, things will work out” even if I’m not feeling it. I might stop what I’m doing and ask the Lord to intervene. I do these things out loud so my kids can see my authentic struggles and also my dependency on God.
These positive choices often change my own heart and help to restore peace.
Give them spiritual tools.
If my kids know how to turn to their heavenly Father and cultivate the rest that comes from fellowship with Him, they will be able to carry it through all of the ups and downs of their lives.
I can do that by gently encouraging them to seek Him for themselves.
“Why don’t you ask the Lord to help you? He hears your prayers.”
“Do you remember any of the scriptures we’ve learned about peace?”
“Do you want to play some worship music in your room?”
I give them a small step to try on their own because I know that when they seek the Lord, He will make himself known. And the reward of that personal interaction with God will be more powerful than anything I can do for them as a mom.
If our kids can experience what living at peace feels like, they won’t want anything else. They will seek peace and pursue it all of their days (1 Peter 3:10-11). And as a bonus, they will be able to spread that peace to a fearful world that desperately needs it.