Calm is your superpower: How regulating your nervous system and emotions helps you be who you want to be

Calm in a Chaotic World Series, Part 1

This is Part 1 in the Calm in a Chaotic World series

When I first started writing about the intersection of faith and mental health, I believed that trying to live at peace was an antidote to being anxious. I was very anxious, and desperate for a solution. I was like a kid taking medicine, washing it down with Kool-aid, and then gagging for an hour. Whatever it takes. You can imagine this perspective wasn’t always productive. But it was a start.

My current perspective on living from a place of calm has shifted dramatically. I want to tell you why.

I have a recurring memory of being in my older daughters’ room when they were little. So very tired. Struggling in my marriage. My shortened fuse burning up in record time. I can remember getting angry that they weren’t in bed. I remember shouting. I remember the way the emotion consumed my body. The looks on their faces. My reaction was completely wrong and out of proportion to whatever small thing was happening in that pale pink room. I feel so much guilt when this memory surfaces, and I also feel compassion for that mom who had no idea that her nervous system was out of sorts or how to change it.

Many of us learned composure growing up, not calm.
Composure is like faking it until you make it, which also involves a heaping dose of suppression of true feelings and experiences. Composure can lead to unintentional outbursts of non-composure. Maybe a fit of anger. Maybe a panic attack. Maybe depression.

Today, I still have big emotions. I feel anger. I get overwhelmed. But I know how to right the ship and pretty quickly, so I can respond in healthy ways. I care about my calm and nurture it, not because I’m trying to enjoy myself more or because I think it’s a cure-all to what ails me. It’s because I realize it is the key to being who God designed me to be in the world, no matter what happens. 

In psychology we call this ability to calm ourselves self-regulation.
It means that no-good, terrible things can happen, and I’m going to have a human physical reaction and emotions. I might cry into a bar of chocolate. But I can also bring my body, my nervous system, and thoughts back to a calm place and respond in a way that aligns with my values. It is a set of skills I have learned, and is in line with what scripture tells us about rest and restoring our souls.

In the Bible we see a God who rested after creation.
There is no indication rest was actually needed. He doesn’t grow weary. We see David in a cave, so overwhelmed by his circumstances, and yet finding rest. Elijah finds his rest under a tree, attended to by an angel. Mary finds rest by neglecting her chores and sitting at Jesus’ feet (my favorite). Moses finds rest during a battle by sitting down, literally, and having his friends hold up his arms. 

In this world, we will have chaos, around us and in us.
We will have big emotions, pain (John 16:33). How does this show up in our lives? Maybe we, like David, get overwhelmed at times and avoid others. Maybe we overreact and say things we don’t mean. Maybe we become flooded with emotion and shut down. In times of trouble, when we have lost our calm, we are more likely to be a version of ourselves that we don’t want to be. 

And yet God promises times of refreshing and hope for change. He is our place of rest and comfort, and He has also made our intricate bodies with means to find rest physically and mentally (Ps. 23, 62). He has given us powerful tools, some of them quite simple.

Calm is more than a nice thing to have.
It’s not a luxury for easier times. Calm enables us to weather the storms of life with grace and strength and enables us to do the good and holy work God has called us to, even when it feels like everything is falling apart.

Calm is your super power. 

Questions to reflect on or journal

Where do you want to see calm infiltrate your life?
How do you see a lack of calm (whether big or small) impacting your behaviors, relationships, mental health, spiritual wellbeing?
What would be different about your life if you could stay calm when situations heated up?