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  • Reply Angie January 5, 2017 at 1:17 am

    Thanks Margarita! It’s hard for them to stop our 10-minute time sometimes. But as it’s become routine, they know they are going to get more time with us so they don’t feel as clingy or anxious about it. We also try to set the expectation that we set the time for 10 minutes so that dad and I can have time together too, as he has to wake up really early and goes to bed early. I think it helps for them to understand the “Why” behind it. One of our kids has a hard time going to sleep so I will also lie down with her when she goes to bed to help with the transition.

  • Reply Carrie January 14, 2017 at 11:05 pm

    This was desperately needed today– when I feel OVERWHELMED wondering what the world will think of me based on my child’s reaction or decision. I need to simply let it go and concern myself for her welfare.

    • Reply Angie January 10, 2018 at 11:10 pm

      Yes I know it’s easier said than done! But we are all doing our best as moms and we can trust God with everything else!

  • Reply P July 10, 2017 at 11:06 pm

    I love you monkey!!

    • Reply Angie January 10, 2018 at 11:10 pm

      🙂

  • Reply Jenny July 10, 2017 at 11:06 pm

    This is my life too. Thank you for writing this and reminding me that I’m not alone. What a constant push towards God that we have as we walk this out. He’s the only answer.

    • Reply Angie January 10, 2018 at 11:11 pm

      It’s so helpful to know we’re not alone!! Mommyhood can be so isolating, especially with special needs. You’re an amazing Mom Jenny!

  • Reply Bonnie July 14, 2017 at 11:05 pm

    Praising God for you today and always Angie.

    • Reply Angie January 10, 2018 at 11:11 pm

      Thank you Bonnie.

  • Reply Astrid July 14, 2017 at 11:06 pm

    you are an amazing mom and a wonderful person Hang in there crazy ape mom we have all been there sometime too.

    • Reply Angie January 10, 2018 at 11:11 pm

      Maybe I need to have a t-shirt made “Crazy Ape Mom”

  • Reply Melone August 10, 2017 at 11:02 pm

    This is a great reminder that change is good, necessary and beneficial. Thank you for
    dictating right from your heart. I got the message!!

    • Reply Angie January 11, 2018 at 10:45 pm

      Thanks Melone!

  • Reply Christina August 15, 2017 at 10:57 pm

    I can so hear your pain in your loving words which brought to tears. GOD truly put your precious daughter into the most loving hearts & arms. Praying for the new adventure in front of you.

    • Reply Angie January 11, 2018 at 10:46 pm

      Thank you Christina. It IS an adventure!

  • Reply Meagan August 16, 2017 at 10:57 pm

    What a big change Angie- and it sounds like it’ll be a good one for all of you. I so admire the ways you have poured into your sweet daughter. You’re an incredible Momma!

  • Reply Kathy August 16, 2017 at 10:58 pm

    Angie, You are an amazing mom and so very wise! Well said and I totally agree. God has great things in store for you both in this next season. May you sense His good pleasure in you, Precious Angel

  • Reply Bonnie January 10, 2018 at 10:42 pm

    OH my gosh, Angie! I was pretty good at this (with a lot of hiccups) when I had kids. I made a rule after a disastrous year on PTA board that I wouldn’t volunteer for anything unless I was doing that “thing” with my kids. I learned to say “no” for a period of years, and then would learn again after slipping up. But I am HORRIBLE at this self-care thing now that I am the sole caregiver for my mother and daughter. Honestly, I can barely make myself go for a walk on the beach…as in months pass without me doing anything for me. Thanks for the reminder. I have had lots of people talk to me about it, but I didn’t associate it with the way I could handle burnout with kids before. You are one smart cookie. Now I hope I can figure out how to do this better. sigh.

  • Reply Joan January 10, 2018 at 10:50 pm

    It takes courage to let go. For your daughter, you’ve provided a strong, loving, caring and joyful foundation. She knows that whatever her life’s challenges that she will always have a family who will celebrate her gifts and her journey of discovery. Be well.

    • Reply Angie January 11, 2018 at 10:45 pm

      Thank you Joan!

  • Reply Angie January 11, 2018 at 10:43 pm

    Thank you for sharing Bonnie. I have the same pattern of saying “no” and keeping my life manageable and then adding too much and having to purge again. I do hope you make more time for yourself. You are an incredibly selfless person.

  • Reply Val January 11, 2018 at 10:50 pm

    Well said Angie! This world full of advice makes my mind a jumbled mess, a bit too anxious, guilty and just not ever good enough of a parent. Great message about how to avoid all the criticisms!

  • Reply Lynda Campbell January 11, 2018 at 10:50 pm

    Well said Angie! We can only do the best we can at the time. And pray for guidance.

  • Reply Kelly January 11, 2018 at 10:53 pm

    WOW! You can sure Cowgirl Up with the script. Kudos good job and much respect.

  • Reply Carrie January 11, 2018 at 10:53 pm

    Wow, Angie, you nailed it. Raising children is a privilege and gift that does not come with an instruction manual! Why? Because no 2 children are the same. Each is an individual with a unique learning style. Keep up the good work Sweet Mama. It ain’t easy, but it’s a blessing. Sometimes that’s hard to remember in the heat of a moment, but If God is for us who can be against us!

  • Reply Kim January 11, 2018 at 10:54 pm

    Yes, I want to be the mom that cheers for other moms, understands when they (we all) are having bad days, and says “Everyone, from time to time, raises their voice louder than they want to – its good chance to teach your kids how to apologize and move on”. I love this!

  • Reply Melone January 11, 2018 at 10:58 pm

    Wow. Greg and I were talking about this very thing, just now, as we drove home from Lifegroup. The subject: THE POWER OF NEGATIVITY. Self-assessment is necessary. Not, do I live in La La Land but do I believe in the Lord, that lives in me? Do I really believe that greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world? Do I believe that if God is for me, who can be against me? Do I really believe that all things do work for good for those that love the Lord…? Last time I looked, all these verses are about God, not me. I just have to walk in agreement with them. As in believe. As in trust. That’s what keeps a person positive. Believing that the Creator of the universe, really will lead me, guide me, in everything that He puts in front of me. Will I fail? Um yes. Is it as big a deal to Him as it is me? Depends on the matter, but mostly no. That’s how we grow. That’s how our kids grow. It’s called life.

  • Reply Amy Jo January 12, 2018 at 1:08 am

    Intentional. Impressive. What a gift for your girls!

    • Reply Angie January 12, 2018 at 1:16 am

      Thanks Amy Jo! I would love if it these kinds of interactions came more naturally, but I feel like if we don’t plan it, it doesn’t happen, at least not often enough.

  • Reply Yannah January 12, 2018 at 1:09 am

    I love this! You’re very funny girlfriend!

    • Reply Angie January 12, 2018 at 1:16 am

      Thanks Yanah!

  • Reply Melone January 12, 2018 at 1:09 am

    Love This!!!!!!!!!

    • Reply Angie January 12, 2018 at 1:16 am

      Thank you, Melone!

  • Reply Kelli Jo January 12, 2018 at 1:09 am

    GREAT idea, Angie! Even though at the end of the day I too am DONE, I think I could stretch for 10 minutes. The Mom and Dad together idea is new to me and I like how you share the ways you’ve noticed this time seems big to your kids. Going to try this one with my little people. Maybe even find a way to do it with our grown, out of the house kids. I LOVE it that you are doing a blog. You are so real, honest, and full of great ideas! I, for one, am signing up!

    • Reply Angie January 12, 2018 at 1:17 am

      Thanks Kelli Jo!

  • Reply Margarita January 12, 2018 at 1:10 am

    Love this! So how do you keep the 10 minutes from turning into the 60 minute princess talk? How do you close when you need to close and they don’t?

  • Reply Rose Ann February 14, 2018 at 2:07 am

    Angie, I’m impressed not only with your writing skills but also your parenting skills. I’ve always thought you are a wonderful parent. I’ve bragged on you many times!!!! This was a very good article. Hope many young mothers read it!!!

  • Reply Camille Wood February 14, 2018 at 5:56 am

    This is beautifully written. What a solid truth and encouragement! Thank you Angie!!

  • Reply Amy Secker February 20, 2018 at 9:23 pm

    Boy, I needed this today. I’m sitting in carpool, holding my breath for what kind of challenges and emotions will come my way in 3 minutes. . . And how I’m going to deal with them. I’m glad to be walking the Mom path with you.

  • Reply Rachel February 27, 2018 at 12:11 am

    Very well written, Angie! I am both encouraged and challenged. 🙂 I have 2 friends I am passing this along to right now!

  • Reply Angela March 21, 2018 at 1:06 pm

    Really good Angie!! Great perspective.

  • Reply Joan Kneeskern March 21, 2018 at 1:55 pm

    Always insightful.

    • Reply Angie March 21, 2018 at 6:51 pm

      Thank you for encouraging me to write more, Joan!

  • Reply Yanah March 21, 2018 at 2:15 pm

    Excellent post!

    • Reply Angie March 21, 2018 at 6:51 pm

      Thank you Yanah!

  • Reply Bonnie March 21, 2018 at 4:22 pm

    Wow Angie, You have brought up a very important point. I have many friends with children that I have wondered about how negatively they present being a mother. As I read your blog I realize now they may not feel any differently about it than I did, but the way they express it has left me feeling sad. I’ve wondered about how they are missing the joy of parenting. Now I see they aren’t missing the joy…they are just expressing the struggles. You are right. It creates a culture of discontent. I had huge struggles parenting (just ask my kids!) but I was so very grateful to be a mom that the struggles were not what I expressed, at least that’s not what I remember. I also didn’t have social media or memes. I don’t know how to turn this around but you’ve done a huge service by bringing it up. As I care for my disabled daughter and mother with ALZ I resonate with all those caregiver memes too, and I need/want to focus more on the gift these beautiful women are in my life instead of how freaking tire I am! Thank you Angie. I love you girl!

    • Reply Angie March 21, 2018 at 6:50 pm

      Thanks for sharing that Bonnie. I wonder if some of it is related to temperament. I am more of a glass half empty kind of person. I don’t want to be that way, but it’s my natural tendency to notice everything I’m unhappy with. That really affects how I feel about my home, how my kids are behaving, and how life is going in general. And I’ve noticed that in this current climate, it would be easy for me to just give in to that and accept it as status quo. I know in my heart that my kids are a blessing and that I will miss these years when they’re gone. But that is often not what my feelings are telling me!!! For me it is a constant training my eyes on what’s good, and on God’s goodness toward us. And when I do that, my feelings really do change. But it makes me wonder if some of the women that are more openly negative about parenting are struggling in this way too, or maybe deal with depression which makes everything feel hard, or are facing some challenge that others don’t know about. I think it’s likely. Just some thoughts.

  • Reply Aja March 21, 2018 at 5:41 pm

    Considering your post, I wonder why our culture has taken this shift in attitude towards parenting. Perhaps it is because this is the first time in our history that not having children is culturally acceptable. In past times in history, even a successful wealthy person wasn’t truly considered successful unless they had children. And certainly no woman was relevant without children. Being a parent brought a status in and of itself. Now, with the culture we live in, it is completely acceptable to not have children. With the turn the feminist movement took, much of society looks down on women who decide to make parenting their “career”. With that shift in attitude, perhaps moms feel they need to be louder in order to feel relevant. So they scream “Hey this is a hard job!” Also, I think this is the first time in history that we have touted how hard parenting is, is this because we are making it more hard for the first time in history? It’s not enough to be raising viable human beings, but we also need to make sure they eat organic, wear cloth diapers, homeschool them, have chalkboard walls in our homes with new artistic charts and inspirational quotes each week, the kids need to be in five different activities… and on and on it goes. Yeah! Being a Pinterest mom is hard! Why do we do it? Because we have somehow gotten the idea that anything less is underserving our kids? Or because we feel being anything less makes our role as parents less respected?

    Again, the woman without kids weighs in, but I do wonder about our mentality towards parenting these days. In every other time in history, having children was viewed as an ease in life’s burdens. Now we seem to have the opposite view. Why is this?

    • Reply Angie March 21, 2018 at 6:43 pm

      I agree with you and you are welcome to weigh in anytime. 🙂 I think women are trying to be everything to everyone, to be the sexy GF/wife, to be the domestic goddess who is organized and minimalist and can cook anything, and to be all the things you mentioned for our kids. I think we put way too much pressure on ourselves, and probably social media contributes to that. I think we also see that a lot of kids don’t grow up and make the choices we hope they will make for their lives, so starting at Kindergarten they have to go to the best schools and eat the best foods, etc. in hopes that they will turn out okay. But I hadn’t considered what you said about the parenting role being unappreciated and there is probably something to that, to wanting to be heard. A lot of the working women I know are still bearing the lion’s share of the household and childcare work, even when both spouses work. Maybe they just enjoy doing those things, but it’s incredibly stressful to carry all of that. But I also think some of it is a trend. It’s funny and cool to say these things about ourselves, to joke about how hard everything is. And I think it feeds into whatever negativity or difficulty we are actually feeling. So we go from feeling a little discontent to a lot discontent pretty quickly and then just hang out there, because EVERYONE is feeling the same way. So it must be normal to feel totally strung out as a parent. ? I think with anything in life, the way we feel has a lot to do with what we’re focusing on.

  • Reply Nikki Chung May 8, 2018 at 7:22 pm

    Angie and Yanah, I am so grateful that you are building platforms to get your perspective out into the world. We have built a lot of support for moms that is empathetic but ultimately is not good coaching or even that encouraging. You both acknowledge that what we are doing is hard but you also help me to believe that I am up to the challenge (or at least that I want to try!).

  • Reply Joan Kneeskern June 19, 2018 at 6:35 pm

    I love your writings. Thank you for sharing.

  • Reply Allison Hoybach June 28, 2018 at 2:07 pm

    Thank you, Nikki for your honesty! I’m glad to know better how to help friends in need!

  • Reply Bonnie June 28, 2018 at 11:18 pm

    So clear and concise and helpful! Thank you!

  • Reply Callie July 31, 2018 at 7:28 pm

    I didn’t actually start bonding with my son until I stopped being a SAHM and sent him to preschool. Once he was out of the house for large chunks of the day I was able to have some time to myself, to either pursue my own things or just veg out, whatever I needed. That gave me the opportunity to genuinely (start to) miss him during the day so that I could genuinely be happy to see him and want to spend those precious hours with him after school. It gave us something to talk about since I no longer knew how he spent every waking hour of the day. Even when he’s had struggles with (I agree) too much homework, or been bullied at school by the same kid for years (maddening), or hasn’t had nearly enough structure and opportunity for PE, music, or art (imho), that just challenges me to help him figure out how to navigate life when it isn’t going the way you want. We talk about how to work creatively to fit in things you want (yay after school programs!); how to react to bullies/not react to bullies/ignore bullies/empathize and know what to do if you see someone else bullied/store up how that feels in case you need to access that feeling on stage later (just me?); or when and how it’s ok to decide that you just aren’t *going* to finish all of your homework tonight so let’s go get ice cream and watch a movie and go to bed vs when it’s important to focus in and power through, even if that means skipping your bath and going to bed late (and how to explain the first choices to your teacher, and refuse to feel shame for it).

    Other things that have helped me are spending time with friends (or alone. I find I need a ton more introvert time now than I did before I was a mom. or maybe I’m just more aware of my need for it?), medication and therapy (when needed), and lowering my standards for what “good mommy” looks like. Some days that means letting him have more screen time so I can go take a nap because I don’t have the energy to stand my ground. Sometimes that’s having one of his friends over for a playdate so they can occupy each other while I go take a nap. Nap. Nap nap nap nappy nap nap….. lol

    I need a nap. love you!

    • Reply Angie July 31, 2018 at 7:41 pm

      Thanks for sharing! Yes to naps and compromises on what we think we should be doing and introverted time and just for charting your own course as a mom!

  • Reply Astrid Beyleveld July 31, 2018 at 9:28 pm

    Having a friend I could call and say I am going to kill them. Miss Patsy Harkins would often be the one who would rescue me and say come over. They were old enough to leave alone for 30 minutes and I would go over and have a quick cup of tea, vent and Patsy would pray with me. Another friend would listen over the phone or would bring her girls over and they would all play and we would have human time. Having babysitting coupon setup where we could swap time with friends and pay with the coupon and so earn coupons for later for us time. And yes Naps big time quiet times while I rested and recovered. And yes I still wish I had done some things differently but I did what I could at the time. I actually think it is even harder nowdays

  • Reply Amy Jo August 1, 2018 at 1:08 pm

    I frequently struggle with being disgruntled and feeling like parenting is just SO hard. And I hate feeling like it’s hard. I wonder what’s wrong with me that I’m not loving life at this point. Lately, I’ve felt like it’s ok to feel like it’s hard. It’s ok to be aware of the challenges and struggles and my buttons that they push that drive me crazy. It’s ok to feel like I”m overwhelmed or overloaded or overworked. And then, I do what I can about it. This week, that meant having a sitter come for a few days so I can take a walk along and run some errands alone. Last week it meant letting them watch a show so that I could take a nap. It’s also meant putting on headphones and listening to a podcast while I do dishes or laundry, and trusting that they’re just fine without me listening to all of the details of their playing and fighting. And, it has helped.

  • Reply Holly K August 10, 2018 at 7:57 am

    Thanks for sharing so honestly and vulnerably, Angie. Motherhood is a beautiful journey of sacrifices, treasured moments and lessons learned. Love you.

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